Interpersonal Skills: The Art of Shifting Between the Brain and the Heart
Imagine entering a room filled with strangers, each with stories, backgrounds, and experiences. Imagine being asked to connect—deeply, authentically, and sometimes uncomfortably. This was my experience during the Stanford Continuing Studies COM 19 interpersonal skills workshop, and the lessons I took away are too powerful not to share.
The Power of Taking Risks in Conversations
One of the most profound moments was witnessing a small yet meaningful practice. Group members prefaced their questions with, “May I take a risk here?” At first, it felt unnatural, even awkward. But soon, I realized the power behind it. This simple phrase created a safe space for vulnerability. It encouraged people to step outside their comfort zones and connect on a deeper level.
How often do we hesitate to ask the hard questions for fear of rejection? What if, instead, we permitted ourselves to take that risk?
Connection Requires More Than Words
As conversations deepened, I saw how language barriers weren’t just about words but about trust and intention. Many of us were first-generation immigrants, navigating the challenge of belonging.
A simple box of chocolates became my bridge to a group member who initially saw us as coming from “different worlds.” But when he shared his sadness over losing his ancestral culture, a moment of mutual understanding emerged. This taught me that connection isn’t about saying the perfect thing—it’s about showing up with an open heart.
Disagreeing Without Being Disagreeable
Another key insight was learning to tackle the “elephants in the room.” We practiced addressing tough conversations without dodging the real issue. One concept that stood out was the "emotional bank account"—the idea that every interaction adds or subtracts from the trust we build.
When disagreements arise, do we protect our relationships, or do we rush to prove a point? Do we make deposits of empathy before making withdrawals of criticism?
Learning Through Role-Playing: The Balance of Brain and Heart
Bringing these lessons to life, we engaged in role-playing exercises that made interpersonal dynamics more tangible. My biggest revelation? Shifting between Gear 1 (the brain) and Gear 2 (the heart) is the key to mastering interpersonal skills.
As a parent, I realized I often "storm in" when my child is gaming instead of shifting my approach to gentle persuasion. As a startup founder, I saw how pushing too hard could backfire if I didn’t first build rapport and align on shared goals. Whether in parenting, leadership, or friendship, adjusting between logical reasoning and emotional connection is what makes relationships thrive.
The Call to Action: Practice the Art of Connection
Interpersonal skills aren’t just theories—they’re daily practices. So here’s my challenge to you:
Take a risk in a conversation. Ask a deeper question. Preface it with, "May I take a risk here?" and see what happens.
Build your emotional bank account. Make small deposits of kindness, trust, and understanding before expecting withdrawals.
Adjust between brain and heart. Pay attention to when a situation requires logic and when it requires emotion.
In a world where AI is advancing rapidly, human connection remains our greatest asset. Let’s practice not just speaking but connecting—with courage, curiosity, and heart.
What’s one interpersonal skill you want to strengthen this year? Let’s start the conversation!